True Independence

Today, as we celebrate our independence from the oppressive rule of the English Empire, I’m reflecting on the ways we have re-created “oppressive rule” for ourselves and our collective lives.

As many of us know by now, the fundamental source of this is our own psychological fear. When merged with others who are also operating from this software of sorts, we create unwise policy that impacts and threatens the lives, rights, freedoms, and liberties of millions.

It’s a curious thing we do as human beings– this re-creation of sorts. Like a car with a single headlight, we follow our one-sided vision into darkness….and then defend our darkness (our fear) as if it were the only truth– but it is not. We have another headlight, my friends! (and a little light inside, too!)

To be free from darkness and from our own psychological enslavement, we must turn on our other headlight. If you’re so inclined, from this day forward, vow to grace everything you see with your wholeness and the vision of your internal light.

To see clearly is true freedom. To understand the source of all insidious domination, individually and collectively, is true independence.

Photo by Brady Knoll on Pexels.com

Freedom from fear

Isn’t this the greatest freedom? The one that most policy, law, corporate marketing, and personal strategy aim to relieve for each of us; “to be free from the threat of “x” (fill in the blank).

As I work through my own layers of fear and see the conditions they created, it is abundantly clear that operating from fear is not only unwise, but unproductive. That being said, how could any of us actually ever be “free from fear” when the world appears to be fueled by it– literally.

Becoming psychologically and emotionally free, is inner-work each of us must undertake. And it is doable indeed. There are thousands of books (old and new), and teachers (old and new) that can guide you back to the temple of your own understanding. There is no hack, short-cut, or magic pill for this. Fundamentally, while teachers and books can and do help, you are your own best teacher and guide for this transformational journey.

Remember this: fear is a construct (a thought/an idea) and also a vibration which generates emotional states and a whole chain of chemical, electrical, and biological reactions in our bodies. To be truly free, we must each dissolve all the ways we are not. Many people are addicted to these chemicals and to the rush of energy they provide. But just like any addiction, the energy rush is only temporary.

Fear is not something that randomly ‘happens to you’– but something you choose to live and experience. Fear occurs in the absence of knowing any other conceivable way– and therein lies the doorway. Each and every time we step away from our own knowing– from our own inner temple of truth, we will experience fear. Accordingly, living from the integrity of our center, from our soul-knowing, not only dissolves fear, but provides all the necessary energy and creative power to fuel your days.

“Keep the poop in the loop”

Over the weekend, I watched a lovely and illuminating documentary on Netflix, Kiss the Ground. It highlighted well-known data on climate change, as well as some of the noble workers (aka regenerative ranchers and farmers) who are “walking the talk” and modeling, for each of us, what it takes to address our collective disconnection from our planet, from nature, and essentially from ourselves.

Because I work at the intersection of community health education and personal regeneration, I’m always looking up and downstream for the ways that individuals and groups are talking about complex topics.

Although I think and feel very deeply on human matters, I delight in simple messaging– and I literally laughed out loud when I heard “keep the poop in the loop”— and while I know that those who work at the macro-level of environmental health know exactly what this means, I wondered if we had ever pondered the micro or individual application; of how we can “take our shit” (our emotional baggage, our nonsense, our anger, etc.) and transmute it into rich, fertile soil for our lives– like collectively. I think we are ‘here’– well, I am definitely at this juncture in my life.

And so, after I watched this, my mind immediately flashed back to 2 key memories:

Kent State University professor/researcher Chris Blackwood stating (and educating me!) that “soil is life!”; and Thich Nhat Hanh’s beautiful reminder: “no mud, no lotus”

I don’t know if “emotional composting” is a thing, but clearly, it is yet another pathway to earth and human regeneration; emotionally healthy people make kind and loving decisions. To regenerate ourselves, by consciously NOT walking away from our “waste” (emotional and otherwise) and really looking deeply at it all, is the “heartbreak” that so many of us sense is the necessary catalyst for personal and global transformation.

To this end, I’m working on a couple of books and workbooks — that are helping me connect dots I had not fully connected, and to help me make the most loving, and therefore powerful, decisions going forward. Over the weekend, I also re-released Until it happens to you— a tiny biographical poetry collection that spans 20+ years of my life…..all to model personal regeneration and “keeping poop in the loop” (and yes, I’m laughing out loud right now!) — If that’s too gross or offensive, remember this message instead: no mud, no lotus.

How will you spend your time?

I read a neat quote on Twitter the other day: “Knowledge isn’t free, you have to pay attention.”

Knowledge and information are abundant and everywhere! Yes, in books (one of my favorite places to look!), but also in your backyard, in the sky, at work, even on your Facebook or Twitter feed.

When I went to the hospital to deliver my second daughter Camille, there was a painted mural on the wall with the following words:

“Everyone and everything around you is your teacher.”

For some reason, that quote hit me right in the heart and from that day on, I began to notice everyone and everything this way…..the way I used to during my childhood when I lived in Puerto Rico and spent my days on the beach, gazing at the tides, playing with anything and everything that came my way.

In many respects, planet Earth is like a school; a living classroom, if you will. If you’re aware enough to know that ‘you are here’, and that you are here for some reason, you’re more likely to “pay attention” to what comes your way.

Just like ‘regular school’, however, there are those who do not enjoy this school. They are angry. They may be afraid, and so, they attack what they view as threats: they undermine teachers; they shame fellow students; and they ridicule what they don’t understand. They would rather blow up the damn school!

In fact, they don’t see it as a school at all, but as a place to conquer and overpower– which means that whoever is in their way must be ‘set-straight’, shamed, or destroyed.

This is one key observation that Gary Zukav and many others see as a difference between the human beings who are ‘multi-sensory’, and those who are not (yet). To note, most human beings have five ‘factory installed’ physical senses (sight, touch, sound, smell, taste). But there are millions of individuals who perceive beyond these five.

These are not things that can be proven or explained with mere words– they are known, by the individual, because they are directly accessed. And, this access is open and available to anyone who is willing to do the inner-work to locate this inner-access for themselves.

Millions of human beings are evolving on Earth right now. Our own planet is evolving too. To be mindful that change is hard, painful, and messy, is essential right now.

When people become frightened they either retreat or become angry and may lash out in the ‘playground’ of life, just like the bully at school. All human beings experience fear by the way — that is ‘factory installed’, too. However, we don’t have to act from that emotion.

Given this, the question for each of us, because all human beings are undergoing this journey/transformation/transition, is this: knowing this, how will YOU spend your time?

Arguing with bullies? Shaming ‘teachers’? Kicking the school secretary in the shin?

OR

Following your curiosity? Learning from everyone and everything? Thanking everything on your path?

On planet Earth, YOU are in a body, in time. YOU are what time is doing with itself, right now. How do you wish to spend your time?

Focusing your mind on this simple question will direct, uncover, and yield a wealth of information — the same knowledge that so many sages, philosophers, poets, and teachers throughout human history have already pointed us towards– all we have to do is pay attention.

Converting energy

Like most scientific-minded and curious people, I’ve had a life-long fascination with energy. Throughout my life, I’ve read, studied, and questioned the mysteries of it all; from how energy is converted and transmuted into new forms of matter, to how we can harness it (ala Tesla, 3-6-9).

For me, one of the most provocative quotes about energy came by way of Jesuit priest, scientist, and philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Jardin. The quote was this:

Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

In recent years, and as communities face a number of converging crises, I’ve explored how, personally and collectively, we could harness energy to meet our working and living needs in a manner that doesn’t generate greed or exclusion, but greater ‘power’ and wealth for all.

Cracking this code for myself has been a life-long journey through struggle and suffering. I’ve written about this before, but before my father passed away in 2014 he made me promise that I would re-focus my work and writing on adults and work on love.Sure, Dad“– Thinking to myself “whatever the heck that means.”

For 50+ years, I’ve been led on a path to a singularity of sorts– the thing that would explain to me all the “whys” of my life and all the seeming failures of my journey. If you’re reading these words, perhaps you are on this journey, too.

If you’re brave enough to go into the whirlpool or the abyss, pick your metaphor, the abyss will inform you. My life-long question, spoken without words, was asked and the answer was given (although because I’m a little dense, it had to be given, analyzed seventeen times, verified, given again until it “took” in my heart).

For now, I can conclusively recommend to anyone reading this to “trust yourself”. I also offer this nugget of wisdom from a recent meditation and trust that it will serve to inspire and illuminate your own journey of personal discovery.

Fear is the fossil-fuel of humanity.
Love is the energy of the future.

Mayra Porrata

Bring your soul to work day

Back in my corporate days, we had a day each year when we would “bring our daughter” to work. In recent years this was extended to bring “our daughters and sons to work day.” As the essay title implies, I offer that the time has come to do something of substance– something that actually matters.

For many years, I struggled to put words together to describe the sad and incomprehensible things I witnessed during those years. Despite the economic and emotional scraping and bruising I sustained, and that is an inevitable part of being in environments that are not aligned with our highest-selves, I also see that I was meant to be there and to witness what I witnessed first-hand. Because that is the only way to truly know– first-hand. Not from a book, or hearsay, or speculation. But to have lived and suffered it all the way to your bones.

While on the one-hand, my career in the financial services sector was productive and generally stellar, on the other, it became increasingly clear that the higher I went, the more terrible I felt about myself and my work. Today, I sense that part of the reason was this: rising up the corporate ladder required me to progressively leave my soul behind.

You either “get with this program”, or you don’t. For those of us who are sensitive enough to have walked away from those settings, we did so because we sensed that if we didn’t, it would have literally eaten us alive from the inside-out. Like a cancer. It will kill you. It doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t care about anyone or anything but itself.

While it is only one of the unique aspects of that which makes you, “you”, your soul is your highest intelligence. If you’re not bringing your soul to work (or to your home office, the coffee shop, the grocery store, or anywhere you go to on a regular basis), you’re not doing your best work. Period. Overtime, when you don’t do your best work, your heart will show you the symptoms; stress, anxiety, heart disease, extra weight, and the list of inflammatory conditions of “unspecified origin” go on. Health insurance will not save you. Your employer will not save you. Only you can correct this ailment.

Collectively, as a society, we have created institutions and corporations that are literally ‘gutting people and communities out’ from the inside-out. And we, collectively, are seeing the collapse of these same entities and the frantic attempts to bolster them– with AI (artificial intelligence), with bail-outs, with shame, with more predatory industries, with policy and laws that withhold basic liberties and human necessities….and all for what? We all know the answer.

I was telling a colleague recently that the internal pull to go “off-grid” is a calling from our souls. It doesn’t matter if you lean conservative or liberal— anyone who has a longing for the “basics”; to protect their families, to grow their own food, and to consciously elect to disconnect from the numerous ways that corporations and corrupt institutions have infiltrated our lives, that is to go “off-grid.” Alaska or Idaho may feel safer, I get it. But what if we just brought our souls to work instead– would we have to even move?

Stating the obvious…(to myself)

Words and language are my livelihood. I write words, play with words, make up new words, string them in new ways, expand their meaning, fuse them….and then, there are times when even I get sick of words.

Sometimes words feel too loud, too much, too heavy, too wordy! Yet words are a basic unit of exchange and a simple currency we trade with others; “thank you” and “I love you” are music to our ears, right?

Words connect us to people, places, and things. My Spanish words connect me with my Spanish culture and family. My English words connect me with my Ohio friends.

As a long-time meditator and noticer, I’m also aware of languages that have no words: the language of beauty, the language of love, the language of touch, the language of sound, the language of light, and the language of silence– of “isness”– where no words are necessary.

Just noticing this helps me– it helps me appreciate the importance and value of words, as well as the importance and value of the space between the words, and of silence itself.

When I get “too wordy” it is because I’m trying really (really) hard to understand something. Paradoxically, if we’re willing to go behind the words themselves, we usually find what we were attempting to understand and convey all along.

Spiritual Solidarity: Chapter 2

Context

Anytime someone sustains a trauma or personal devastation, their life context changes. It may expand or contract them and their unique perception of life, but in either case, their mentality and reality are fundamentally shifted.

Part of the alteration is due to mere survival. In order to endure a hardship of any kind, we must adapt. The other reason our perception is altered is because our current lived experience no longer matches up to the illusion of how life was ‘supposed’ to be. Mental analysis and reasoning no longer reduce our suffering. Try as we might, what we knew in our heads to be true, no longer satisfies or explains, nor does it inoculate us from life’s hardships.  

When a mother suddenly becomes a primary caregiver to a daughter with cystic fibrosis and spends 8+ years living in-and-out of a hospital, her context and life are radically altered. It’s what I call a life ‘plot-twist’. You thought you were going ‘this way’, but instead, life took you ‘that way’– which is what life does, of course.

Most commonly, when we speak about context, we’re referring to what someone ‘thinks’ about something– their cognitive and intellectual judgement relative to a person, place, or thing. This context is, more often than not, based on historic or past information, as well as the person’s level of consciousness (how open and aware they are to life itself). Our cognitive context is formed by a number of well-known social factors; our birthplace, our family of origin, our language and culture, and what our ancestors loved or feared.

This is tricky for our rational minds to fully grasp, but we see the world as we are and project this onto everything. Until you are aware of this, you are unaware of this, and you may go about your life feeling victimized by others or by life itself.

Notwithstanding the obvious trespasses, assaults, and violations of all types, from a purely psychological perspective, if you’re hurt by someone or something, you are the one experiencing this hurt or pain. There is no amount of ‘othering’, resenting, shaming, name-calling, etc. that will ever reduce or heal your pain. It is your pain. You are the one experiencing this, therefore only you can address its discomfort.

Think Jesus. Think Nelson Mandela. Think Mother Teresa. Insert your own sheroes and heroes. It is possible to understand ‘trespasses’ and therefore forgive. “As we forgive those who trespass against us” is not just a powerful line from a prayer, but a gentle directive for living a wise and meaningful life. This is how we ascend to a new level of consciousness– to a new level of experience for ourselves.

If you’ve ever played or watched someone play a video game, you get a sense of the world of possibilities that await on the other side of our ‘trusting ourselves’ and leaping into the unknown. I learned this from playing and watching my daughters play video games. There are secret tricks. There are bonus points. There are hidden access points where you can enter magical gardens and heavenly scenes. It is still the same ‘video game’ or ‘life’, but it’s a different level or dimension of experience. Once you see what is possible, you cannot un-see it.

That being said, there are no shortcuts to ‘the work’ (learning and integration) that must be done to remain there and to contend with the very real human lapses and relapses of our previous mentality. It takes time to learn and integrate new ways of being and seeing. It takes great patience on your part, too. To be kind to yourself and to others through the time-and-space that’s necessary to grow through difficulties is a practice and a dance. People may question your motives, your sanity, old friends may leave you, but all of this is hugely important, for yours and their own spiritual growth.

What someone experiences as ‘betrayal’, the other may experience as ‘freedom’ or downright relief. Shared reality is in the eye of its beholder. As has been famously pointed out, “truth has 144 sides”, so it all depends on where you are looking from.

Generally speaking, context reveals where someone is looking from. It is their psychology and worldview; their lens of experience, what they value, what they fear, the ‘villains’ or violations they endured, and who and what they love can be easily discerned and observed through their words and deeds.

Think back to my opening paragraphs in this section on context and the plot-twists that life throws at us. Even if you yourself are not a parent, or had a child with a complex condition, or have been in a hospital, you can imagine how frightening and difficult that must be. More often than not, it is precisely in these “life-valleys” that we gain the greatest awareness and vision of life. Now, think about yourself and your own life and ask yourself this:

What ‘life-valley’ did I emerge from and what did I notice, feel, sense, or see there?

Your willingness to see differently is an important intelligence. It is beyond your cognitive context. We now know that emotional intelligence has direct linkages to our physical and mental (psychological) health and well-being. I have a few simple, non-mathematical equations related to emotional intelligence:

  • the greater your emotional intelligence, the less ‘villains’ you notice in your life.
  • the greater your emotional intelligence, the greater personal peace you experience.

Human beings are a relational species. Not unlike most mammals and creatures on Earth, humans relate. We can relate because we are equipped with wiring that enables us to feel things beyond us– things we have not personally experienced. The trick, however, is to pause and actually feel by employing the power of our own senses and imagination.   

If I’m aware of someone’s cognitive context, I don’t need to have experienced their exact lives to know what heartbreak, fear, or grief feel like. That’s what enables someone to be kind. If you have a point of reference it helps us to understand other human beings better, especially those who are of a different race, faith, or culture.

Growing up in Puerto Rico, diversity was a given. When I was young, my mom would often say to me: “there are good and bad people in every race– you can only know by their heart, not their skin color.” This early lesson on race oriented me to the heart of an individual; not what was on the outside, but on the inside— and quite possibly one of the reasons why I’m writing this book today.

As a young child I often wondered ‘what’ made people kind or unkind. The reason for this is because I noticed that wealth or educational attainment had nothing to do with it. Some of the kindest and most sincere people in my early-life were actually ‘economically poor’ and ‘uneducated’ (by dominant culture standards), yet they were filled with such wisdom and richness– it was visible and palpable.

Think for a moment how your own context about yourself expands or limits your own understanding of others. While indeed our rational minds provide our default setting or basic context, there is in fact a greater and deeper context which we all belong to and share. The gateway to this context is the human heart and that is where your humanity and emotional intelligence dwell.

Spiritual Solidarity: Introduction

Spiritual Solidarity: Chapter 1 – The language that has no words

Spiritual Solidarity: Chapter 1

Currents

In everyone’s life, there are countless experiences that can revolt, confound, or mesmerize.  As such, it’s easy to get lost in the characters, stories, and the metaphors themselves. That has certainly been true for me. I call these “the currents” of our lives; the high-tides, the low-tides, the deep waters, the rip-tides, the near-drownings, and even the still waters all leave an important imprint upon us.  

Another way to describe “currents” is simply the flow of your life; where we’re taken and how we float through it all.

Before we gain full emotional awareness or maturity, it’s very difficult to understand the reason or meaning for anyone or anything ‘happening to you’. What I do know is that it is generally for “good reason” and that reason is not for my drowning, but for my soul’s journey. My mom had an expression I often heard growing up: “Dios aprieta pero no ahoga” 

When we embrace the notion that things are ‘happening for us’ instead of ‘to us’, something inside us begins to shift. Naturally, habitual judgement is suspended and replaced with a deeper curiosity and question: ‘why?’ Throughout my life, I’ve visited this place many times and each time, when I follow the ‘why’ all the way back to its root, I am humbled to my knees.

As I look back on the key events, or currents that either confounded or liberated me, I see 4 general themes or categories for understanding the relevance of people and events to my spiritual journey; 

  • Supportive (the people or experiences modeled loving-kindness)
  • Antagonistic (the people or experiences provided contrast/pain)
  • Benign (the people or experience was redirecting my path)  
  • Awakener (the people or experience was a life-changer)

So, up to this point, if my life were ‘a play’, it could be told in 4 main acts. Think about your own life for a moment; the setting/location, the characters, the plots and plot-twists, the heart-breaks, the lessons and resolutions– and the punchline; what can be humbly and lovingly distilled from the seeming anguish of it all up to this point? 

The main ‘acts’ that informed my soul’s journey can then be further broken down into a number of ‘scenes’ or time-bound and/or specific points of experience that involved people, places, or experiences. Yours may be longer or shorter, have totally different categories or descriptors, so I offer this as just one example for how you/we can conceptualize our individual life experiences:  

ACT 1 

  • My parents (supportive)
  • My early years (supportive)
  • Our relocation (antagonistic-awakener)

ACT 2

  • Colonialism, Culture, and Confusion (antagonistic-awakener)
  • My formal education  (supportive-benign)
  • My conventional career (supportive-benign)
  • My conventional marriage (antagonistic-awakener)

ACT 3

  • Becoming a mother and going back to school (benign-awakener)
  • Becoming a caregiver and embracing community (benign-awakener)
  • My daughter’s passing (antagonistic-awakener)

ACT 4

  • Embracing my vocation (supportive-awakener)
  • Living coherently (supportive-awakener)

What follows is a brief synopsis of each of the ‘scenes’ from my life and the way they helped shape me and my understanding of our shared humanity.  

My parents

My life-story begins with my parents, Mari Fernandez and Santiago Porrata, both first generation Spaniards. I believe that our parents or parental figures are our first soul teachers on Earth. Whether to provide contrast or be supportive way-showers, our family of origin sets the stage for our human adventure. 

By the time my parents became parents, they had already stepped away from both the dogmatic and cultural programming of the Church. Because of this, my sister and I were raised with a unique world-view and understanding of life. I was raised to know about the many languages of God (religions of the world) from my Dad who was an ardent student of comparative religion. From my mom, I learned that being good or bad had nothing to do with education, skin color, politics, or beliefs, but with someone’s heart. For me, my parents are and will always be two of my best friends and two incredible souls who sincerely encouraged my spiritual formation through their own lived example. 

My father’s encouragement of my intellectual and critical thinking abilities, coupled with my mother’s nurturing of my heart and spiritual life, truly conspired to help me see that I was more than just ‘one thing’. Throughout their own lives, my parents modeled for me that to be fully-human meant to embrace change, grief, imperfection, and seeming ‘failures’ as an integral and even welcomed aspect of my life and life journey.    

My early years

My early life was as close to a living paradise as one can imagine. As a young girl, most of my time was spent outdoors and fully aware of the rhythms of nature. Although I had many friends, my favorite time was time spent alone by the sea observing everything the tides brought in and out of my shore; from the countless shades of blue my beautiful ocean displayed, to the diverse creatures that co-inhabited my living playground, I was deeply attuned to the interconnectedness of life from a very early age.

Aside from nature, my extended family (my Godmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins in particular) was instrumental to my spiritual formation and oriented me to the critical importance of family/community in times of joy and especially in times of crisis.    

Our relocation  

On November 3, 1976, my family relocated from the north shores of Puerto Rico to Munroe Falls, Ohio. As a Spanish-speaking 11 year-old, being thrust into a new climate, culture, and  language was severely jarring and disorienting. My first two winters in Ohio, the winters of 1976 and 1977, provided an introduction and orientation so traumatizing, it would take me nearly 30 years to understand and integrate the wisdom imbued in these early life-lessons. 

In contrast to the first 11 years of my life, my teenage years were painful and agonizing. Not having a strong command of the English language, I turned to writing as an outlet for connection and expression. My first friends from the island wrote to me almost weekly for a period of 2 years. The hundreds of letters I received were kept in a drawer and served as a testament of enduring friendship during a time when I felt deeply alone and isolated.

Then, in the summer of 1979, my three ‘new best friends’ were involved in a car accident as they were leaving my house.  That accident would not only bond us, but the gifts and the lessons from that incident would circle back many decades later. 

Colonialism, Culture, and Confusion (my teens and early 20’s)

Although I was born an American citizen, I have never, nor do I today identify as such. However, because so much of the success of acclimating to a new culture required going along, I did just that– well, just enough of it. 

In truth, I have always been a step off, or perhaps beating to the beat of my own little drum, with my head somewhere in outer space (in full disclosure, I’m an Aquarian!), and knowing, deep within, that the way I was being taught, was not always ‘truth’, nor good, nor beautiful! Still, quite true to my Spanish upbringing, I was infinitely polite.

During my early career I was often praised and rewarded for my ideas and ‘innovative thinking and problem-solving.’ It always confounded me that others didn’t see what I saw. I would often cite my upbringing as the reason for this: “island people see things differently because we know what it’s like to be vulnerable and connected, simultaneously!”

From an early age, I knew things I couldn’t explain. There was a layer of ‘knowing’ and knowledge — information I often couldn’t fully decipher or express because I had no words for it.  Sometimes, this put me at odds with others and so to compensate for this, I would negate my own intuition and voice. This is something we all do– we relegate our own knowing and needs to the back seat of life.

Still, my soul and life itself had other plans for me and true to my inherent nature, I followed every beautiful lead. Try as we might, we cannot escape our essential nature, our true selves.      

My formal education

For many years, I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do. As early as age five, I knew I wanted to ‘teach peace’, but there was no job like that in 1983, the year I graduated high school. Also, my childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut and a nun had already been thwarted by the realities of motion sickness and my unique fashion flair. 

For me, being both creative-spiritual and technical-intellectual, felt like a hardship I didn’t want or need. I just wanted to fit neatly and easily into a simple career box. My short-term goal was to move out west to become a graphic designer and wandering gypsy. My dad insisted I should study law or medicine. Instead,  I settled for a degree in business administration with concentrations in marketing and communication.

My conventional career

Although I’ve excelled in most professional environments, I always felt like an outsider and the odd person in every job and team I’ve ever been in…and they would probably say the same about me! 

From 1986 to 1998, I worked in retail operations and in banking, and then with a Fortune 50 company as a corporate trainer and project manager in operations, education, communications, and marketing. By age 30, I had worked in a number of high profile, multi-million dollar projects. I was earning a great salary and being groomed to become a future leader of this “great American company.” The only problem, however, was that I was terribly unfulfilled and unhappy.    

My conventional marriage

I met the father of my girls in January of 1995. We were married from 1996 to 2011. The marriage was difficult and painful. Its ending even more so. 

Through this relationship and the contrast it provided, I came to fully understand the true meaning of marriage and partnership. The most profound piece (and peace) for me was that I became a mother during this time.

Becoming a mother and going back to school

I left my corporate job when I was 4 months pregnant with my first daughter, Serena, and began graduate studies in community counseling that same year (1998). I was 33 years old. My second daughter (Camille) was born in 2002. Leaving a promising corporate career and going back to school was one of those things that made no sense to others, but I was honoring my Inner-guidance and a calling so deep within me, that I had no other choice. It felt as if my life depended on it.   

By far, becoming a mother is the single-most important and sacred thing I have ever or will ever do in this life. I could write an entire book on motherhood because it bears our attention and re-attunement as a society.  Homemaking, a term I once arrogantly and violently opposed because societal programming was pulling me otherwise, became my own life-saving practice and grace.

In the spring of 2006, in my second to last semester of graduate school, my daughter Serena was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She was 7 years-old. Although it had not been detected at birth due to newborn screening not being in effect in the state of Ohio at the time, she carried two of the most common and lethal mutations for this condition. In that moment, our family was given a ‘life-shortening’ diagnosis and sentence of sorts– one that would alter our course and change all our lives.

Being a single-mother and caregiver

By 2015, I was the custodial guardian of the girls. As my daughter Serena’s condition required, our lives consisted of frequent and prolonged hospital stays at Akron Children’s Hospital. From 2011 until 2018, the girls and I were ‘frequent flyers’, always with our hospital suitcases ready to go any time. 

During the 8 years that I was a single-mother and caregiver, and especially during the last 3 years of Serena’s life, I came to realize the importance and life-saving grace of community. Without community, we can easily wither. There are literally hundreds of people who intimately touched our lives all those years. I am humbled to my knees every time I think of all that was given to us— transportation, counsel, comfort, house-sitting, care, food — love in all its beautiful forms arrived with such regularity, I was transformed in the process — like gentle waves carving out hardened rock, I was literally reshaped by the loving-kindness of those who took care of us, our home, and pets. 

All those years spent in the hospital informed me in profound ways, too. I learned a great deal about chronic illness, the health insurance industry, our medical system and medicine in general as it is practiced today. Finally, becoming a single-mother and full-time caregiver illuminated the economic hardships that are so common for the nearly 40 million caregivers and many others in our country, too.  

My daughter’s passing

My daughter Serena passed away from complications of cystic fibrosis in 2018. She was 19 years-old. The particular flavor of grief experienced by parents who lose a child is unlike any other. It is all-engulfing, vast, and deep. My story with her is its own beautiful life-book; one not solely expressed in words, but in deeds. Suffice to say, Serena is and will always be one of my greatest teachers in this life.      

Embracing my vocation

Regardless of the setting or domain, fundamentally, I’ve always been a noticer and a writer. Although my writing can be clunky or clumsy, it is through my willingness to honor this calling, that the quality of my own writing and life has improved.

Although it’s not always obvious, if we take the time to gently look back, we can often see the connecting thread that runs through and weaves the tapestry of our lives and therefore, our vocational biography.  

It is my deepest sense that encouraging others to look through their lives with their own ‘magnifying glass of awareness’, can lessen their confusion and suffering. That is the basic reason for this book. Spiritual solidarity is not a belief, but the awareness and appreciation that until we look inside, we will continue to build and co-create the proverbial Tower of Babel.  

Living coherently

Living coherently is a practice– it is play! It is not about achievement, perfection, or what anyone deems as ‘success’. Only you can define success for yourself; only you, your soul, knows what that is.  

For me, this current work is an applied extension of this understanding and aligns with my own desire to grow and regenerate. Regeneration is not about more degrees, or books, or skills for success. Regeneration is an inside job.

As more of us choose to live from the ‘inside-out’, we naturally become kinder and patient. Because we are in-tune and in harmony with ourselves, our judgements and ‘othering’ naturally seizes. We’re no longer interested in debating ideas or being right. As we continue to mature, we naturally long to be with others who match our own harmony and frequency. Our daily-bread is given to us as we give, create, and co-create. Our work is an extension of our hearts.

Each of us comes to Earth with a purpose and even subtly, part of you already knows what that is. How can you really know what yours is? My gentle suggestion to anyone is that you tune into that which has been prescribed for you, not by cultural programming, but inscribed in your heart and Higher-mind, and revealed through the awareness of what you most cherish and love. Follow that. That is your calling. That is your soul calling you.

Spiritual Solidarity: Chapter 2 – Context

Emergency Inquiry

Chaos, rage, confusion, and fear are important and what we do with these energies, even more so.

While our default-setting is generally to ignore or attack that which is bringing us pain or discomfort, the evolved response or ‘advanced-setting’, if you will, requires our curiosity.

When we replace our habitual responses with curious inner-work we find that many times, our anger or fear is stemming from an unmet need– something which we are often unaware of.

Here are 8 helpful questions to explore when we’re ‘hit’ with sudden instability of any kind:

o What is this person, event, or situation requiring of me?

o What is attempting to emerge from this?

o Can I see the bigger grace in this seeming crisis?

o Can I envision the “other side”, or resolution of this crisis?

o How can I serve this situation or crisis without judging, criticizing, over-helping, or manipulating an outcome?

o How can I lend my unique gifts in order to help alleviate this crisis?

o How must I adapt or think differently in order to stop the perpetuation of this “crisis”?

o What would LOVE do?

For further study, a brief 1-HR-Course on anger is available here. (Note: from personal and professional experience my sense is that anger is rooted in unprocessed grief, and often times, we don’t realize that grief ‘energy’ is even there.)